Mafia Obituary

Word for word your obituary was read everyone was there just like you said mostly enemies they weren't happy glancing at the photo you chose for the viewing ma was so brave too knowing full well that casket was empty thanking everyone for the flowers she felt so guilty she had them all donated to hospice each and everyone she spat on the shoes of on lookers demanding no one take any flowers she said it was bad luck she didn't need she said she felt like she would suffer greatly for this grand scheme oh look how the Knights of Columbus nearly dropped the handles alerting the crowd that the coffin was empty ma began blowing her nose so hard into the rose embroidered hankie damn right he's in a better place try Oklahoma for starters she said she hated her card buddies were there just watching waiting on her to lose it even a few kids you frequently yelled at in the shop were there peeking behind the pews asking for cake a few of your old girl friends arrived in pairs whispering it should have been me he was so good that's when your buddy Barry kicked the seat out right shouted whose ever funding this funeral needs to settle his debts with me before you leave this church that limo ain't free like him I thought oh my is he serious yes he was the funeral director wrote him a big fat check on the spot I couldn't figure out why so many people lined up to view your photo it was clearly a life size portrait ma kelp squeezing my hand this was all stand up for me really we just had coffee then you give us an obituary and catch a flight to the Midwest shh they want me to say a few words I can't take it I release this uncontrollable laugh bringing me to tears naturally wait wait I would like to thank everyone for coming out he just called me he missed his flight he say's will one of you imbeciles drive the hurst get out to Ohara midway airport right away pick him up like yesterday before somebody sees him and you all know what that means for Christ sakes he needs a ride