Mafia Obituary
Word for word your obituary was read
everyone was there just like you said
mostly enemies they weren't happy
glancing at the photo you chose for
the viewing ma was so brave too
knowing full well that casket was
empty thanking everyone for the
flowers she felt so guilty she had
them all donated to hospice each
and everyone she spat on the shoes
of on lookers demanding no one take
any flowers she said it was bad luck she
didn't need she said she felt like she
would suffer greatly for this grand
scheme oh look how the Knights of
Columbus nearly dropped the handles
alerting the crowd that the coffin was
empty ma began blowing her nose so
hard into the rose embroidered hankie
damn right he's in a better place try
Oklahoma for starters she said she
hated her card buddies were there
just watching waiting on her to lose
it even a few kids you frequently yelled
at in the shop were there peeking behind
the pews asking for cake a few of your
old girl friends arrived in pairs whispering
it should have been me he was so good
that's when your buddy Barry kicked
the seat out right shouted whose ever
funding this funeral needs to settle his
debts with me before you leave this
church that limo ain't free like him
I thought oh my is he serious yes he was
the funeral director wrote him a big fat
check on the spot I couldn't figure out
why so many people lined up to view
your photo it was clearly a life size
portrait ma kelp squeezing my hand
this was all stand up for me really we
just had coffee then you give us an
obituary and catch a flight to the Midwest
shh they want me to say a few words
I can't take it I release this uncontrollable
laugh bringing me to tears naturally wait
wait I would like to thank everyone for
coming out he just called me he missed
his flight he say's will one of you imbeciles
drive the hurst get out to Ohara midway
airport right away pick him up like yesterday
before somebody sees him and you all know
what that means for Christ sakes he needs a ride
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