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Word for word your obituary was read 
everyone was there just like you said 
mostly enemies they weren't happy 
glancing at the photo you chose for 

the viewing ma was so brave too 
knowing full well that casket was 
empty thanking everyone for the 
flowers she felt so guilty she had 

them all donated to hospice each 
and everyone she spat on the shoes 
of on lookers demanding no one take  
any flowers she said it was bad luck she 

didn't need she said she felt like she 
would suffer greatly for this grand 
scheme oh look how the Knights of 
Columbus nearly dropped the handles 

alerting the crowd that the coffin was 
empty ma began blowing her nose so 
hard into the rose embroidered hankie 
damn right he's in a better place try 

Oklahoma for starters she said she 
hated her card buddies were there 
just watching waiting on her to lose 
it even a few kids you frequently yelled  

at in the shop were there peeking behind 
the pews asking for cake a few of your 
old girl friends arrived in pairs whispering 
it should have been me he was so good 

that's when your buddy Barry kicked 
the seat out right shouted whose ever 
funding this funeral needs to settle his 
debts with me before you leave this 

church that limo ain't free like him 
I thought oh my is he serious yes he was 
the funeral director wrote him a big fat 
check on the spot I couldn't figure out 

why so many people lined up to view 
your photo it was clearly a life size
portrait ma kelp squeezing my hand 
this was all stand up for me really we 

just had coffee then you give us an 
obituary and catch a flight to the Midwest
shh they want me to say a few words
I can't take it I release this uncontrollable 
 
laugh bringing me to tears naturally wait 
wait I would like to thank everyone for 
coming out he just called me he missed 
his flight he say's will one of you imbeciles

drive the hurst get out to Ohara midway 
airport right away pick him up like yesterday 
before somebody sees him and you all know 
what that means for Christ sakes he needs a ride
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