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Love Takes Its Hard Toll

love takes its hard toll
in neon streets at day's dim end —
beggar asks for change

angstbetrayalbreak upcitysenryu

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Jenna Logan

October 5, 2021 at 3:33 AM

Jen, your message is a good one. A llittle info...This is a Senryu because it is about people. Haiku are only descriptive of things in nature. None of the first words in either form should be capitalized unless it is "I" or a proper name. Your second line has 8 syllables, but should be 7. I hope this helps, and I look forward to see more of these from you.

Jennifer Sohn

October 5, 2021 at 6:14 PM

Hi Jenna, thanks for your feedback, really appreciate the tips about senryu (didn't know and working in the dark) and also the concept of flow and capitalization. I used the syllable counter called https://www.haikusyllablecounter.com/ and it counted 5-7-5 so all good.

Love Takes Its Hard Toll

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