Lost Soul
I was lost.
For years
I was in my own world,
off doing my own thing,
didn't want to be saved,
never mentioned his name.
I was lost.
Walked around
with no guidance.
Made it out
of some things
because my steps
were still guided.
And I know,
the last thing
you wanna hear
is a poem bout
Jesus,
but I wouldn't
waste my time
if I didn't believe it.
Religion and tradition
is misguided
and overrated.
It's the way
I live,
and my walk with him
that's the proof
that I made it.
I was lost.
The person
you see
is not who
I was,
I was far gone,
sin is a heck
of a drug.
For years
I dripped with guilt.
Quick to condemn myself
because of the life
that I lived.
Broke laws and
lived wild,
smoked weed and
popped bottles,
nearly every night.
Would drown myself
in darkness,
always running from
the light.
I was lost.
Started closing my heart.
But would
bust it open
for the wrong reasons
and a low life.
But it's not
about the politics.
The past mistakes
or what ifs.
I wanted the freedom,
he gave me a taste.
Came back years later,
"look at the mess
that I made"
But it was
what I'd wanted,
so I couldn't complain.
I was lost.
My mind had me thinking
I had fallen from grace.
I had no fight in me,
tried to self medicate.
I look at all
the things I've done
and wonder how
he could forgive.
Like all the times
I gave up on him,
and didn't want
to live.
Never learned
to love myself
until he loved me
at my darkest.
He stuck around
when I couldn't shine,
and my attitude
was cloudy.
Despite all that I'd done
I was never forsaken.
Even when I left him,
he stayed with me daily.
He was the one
who plucked me
from the ocean,
while people stood
on the beach
not seeing me drowning.
But his grace
is sufficient.
He says I'm forgiven,
that he loves me,
and he means it.
I was lost.
But look at me now.
All you see
is my past,
all he sees
is my crown.
My soul's been restored
and he's fixing
what's broken,
I could have been dead
do you see why
I owe him?
Life for a life
but the payout
is worth it.
The payout is worth it.
I was lost.
Feels good to be back.
Copyright © Joy Nicole | Year Posted 2016
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