Lost

I often think back on life, the memories I've tried to erase When the pain became too much, I'd do anything to help me escape Everyones judgments speak loudly, they say that the choice is mine But I'd give anything for them to just feel what I feel inside Maybe then they could understand, I never pictured this life for myself Somewhere along the line, life got the best of me, I became too overwhelmed I've been fighting a long hard battle, didn't just give up and lay down When that last straw was pulled, all I wanted was to drown I wanted to forget, had to numb it anyway that I could My shoulders felt so heavy, carrying more than one person ever should You call me a junkie, a lowlife, a bad mom, but that is not who I am I'm an addict who lost their way, an addict whose life got out of hand I can tell you I'll stop, that I won't up again But that's not the way it ever turns out, it's a never ending battle within We are all different, we all have our own flaws Im laying mine out on the table, this hard truth is ugly and raw I know I want to get out, be the best mom I can be Give my children a great life, happiness and sobriety But this addiction has its claws so deep in my back, it's hard to see the other side I cant take back the pain I've caused, just know how hard I try Maybe one day I'll be forgiven, I never wanted to let anyone down I still am that same person somewhere inside, I might be lost but I hope to be found