Lost

My smile has dimmed Not as bright as before My daddy died Him hitting the floor and leaving his daughter to deal with the emotional bombardment, alone I was doing alright I thought I was fine But my mind just won't stop I feel lost and so blind Blinded by depression and aggression and oppression and obsession with wanting to be happy again I try to live life Try to remove this blanket of misery But, I'm so cold and afraid My past won't ever be history It's stuck like a zip tie, I try to get away but it keeps squeezing me tighter and tighter every single day I miss who I was Will she ever come back? Can I drag her away from the darkness or is it just a trap? A trap to keep me locked away. I can't breath, I can't hear, I can't think, I can't see, I can't feel Will anyone every rescue me? Will this darkness ever let me be? Will this depression just consume me? Will this heartache ever let me go free? How can I fight When all I want to do is sleep Sleep away the pain, the sadness The memory that you're six feet deep in the cold hard ground, while every other life just continues to move on But, I will continue this battle Punch life hard in the face I won't be dragged down Because, my head is MY SPACE My head is MY PLACE I'll rescue myself Because no one else can I'll search high and low I'll find who I am I'm not gone, I'm not buried, my life did not end. I'm just lost I'm just sad at being the one left behind But, I will be just fine I'll find where I am, who I am It will just take a little more time Carol Jacobs December, 20, 2017