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Lizzie Borden Set Straight

Lizzie Borden took a hatchet, 
because, in case you didn't catch it,
she didn't need that long a handle.  
Sincerely yours, Dave Crandall

murdersillyrhyme

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Kim Rodrigues

September 18, 2026 at 4:48 AM

In other words, she did a hatchet job! That could also be known as a one-sided criticism. Who knows how she was mistreated. However, that doesn’t excuse what she did.

David Crandall

September 18, 2026 at 9:23 AM

I think this poem deserves a hatchet job. There are no extenuating circumstances.

David Crandall

September 18, 2026 at 9:22 AM

Haha, yes, literally, a hatchet job. Definitely a one-sided criticism, and way out of proportion to whatever the original offence could have been, in my estimation. Actually, the article I was reading, said she was acquitted by the jury, so the little ditty we all know might be libel or slander. On the other hand, I think she did it.

Daniel Henry Rodgers

September 18, 2026 at 4:40 AM

Hello David, I don't know whether to laugh or sigh that underneath centuries of sensationalized gossip, the physical world is ultimately governed by simple mechanics. Perfectly timed and mischievously clever work, David. Blessings, Daniel

David Crandall

September 18, 2026 at 9:15 AM

Hi Daniel, that's an interesting and good point. I hadn't thought about it, but I think there's something off center in this poem, focusing on the minor detail of handle length in the face of a tragedy...and yet, the article that I stupidly clicked on honed in on that detail, maybe unconsciously I was vibing on that incongruity. I think the "original" Lizzie Borden poem which I learned in camp as a kid had an inordinate influence on my young, demented mind.

Alison A Smith

September 17, 2026 at 7:26 PM

A wickedly concise comic verse: the jaunty sing-song rhyme and deadpan “explanation” turn a famously grim tale into delightfully absurd wordplay. The clipped final line lands perfectly, making the whole piece feel like a miniature vaudeville punchline.😄

David Crandall

September 18, 2026 at 9:09 AM

Thanks, Alison!

Lizzie Borden Set Straight

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