Lines Written of a Recurring Ponder

You may not know this, But sometimes, I sneak away from my cynicism, and see through my vehement in self loathing, to uncover the tender optimism of my former self, reminiscing of elated memories, that I over time, forgot belonged to me, As I see us, my mind captures the image, in hopes of warming my essence, but the thought of holding this picture, is inferior to the risk of learning to smile again, To smile and relish in a moment that cannot be willed into reality, despite the sincerity of a heart's desire, Secretly, the vision of your beauty belonging to me, releases melted fragments of my heart through my eyes, I shamefully wipe away such signs of sorrow, and tell myself you were "just a girl" but all of me knows better, for the truth of your importance is a factor unimaginable, I cannot tell you that you were the best of me, created out of prayer, and wished into reality, or that my eyes still remain closed until yours sees sunlight, or that it was your love alone, which gave me hope, taught me faith, and filled my being with the invincibility of a deity, Such delicate confessions should remain silent to your ears, and ears of the world, for within them lies the truth of a sorrow unseen by humanity, and the power to allow this elation to again grant me immortality, an everlasting life in which I could only agonize over a paradise unreachable, and the fruitless fantasy of a raisin in the sun,