Lines Written of a Recurring Ponder

You may not know this,
But sometimes, I sneak 
away from my cynicism,
and see through my vehement
in self loathing, to uncover
the tender optimism of 
my former self, reminiscing
of elated memories, that I
over time, forgot belonged to me,

As I see us, my mind captures the
image, in hopes of warming my 
essence, but the thought of
holding this picture, is inferior
to the risk of learning to smile again,
To smile and relish in a moment
that cannot be willed into reality,
despite the sincerity of a heart's desire,

Secretly, the vision of your beauty
belonging to me, releases melted
fragments of my heart through my 
eyes, I shamefully wipe away such
signs of sorrow, and tell myself you
were "just a girl" but all of me
knows better, for the truth of your
importance is a factor unimaginable,

I cannot tell you that you were the
best of me, created out of prayer,
and wished into reality, or that my
eyes still remain closed until yours
sees sunlight, or that it was your
love alone, which gave me hope,
taught me faith, and filled my being
with the invincibility of a deity,

Such delicate confessions should
remain silent to your ears, and ears
of the world, for within them lies
the truth of a sorrow unseen by humanity,
and the power to allow this elation to
again grant me immortality, an everlasting
life in which I could only agonize over
a paradise unreachable, and the fruitless
fantasy of a raisin in the sun,
Copyright © | Year Posted 2010

Poem

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A   Avatar
December 4, 2010 at 6:57 AM
Okay who are you?, lol,, how do you know exactly what is in the mind of others. Audonus, one can only wallow in there self pity, and their hard shell. I can not relate to this, but i know peeps who claim, they would rather be alone and giving it all up,,instead of riding with the wind. I love this poem,, so much, I love the invincibility one can give another to lift up the light. Lets all keep it in mind. Even if it is a fantasy, one can always change their mind, and rise up to the sun.. p.d.
Bourner Avatar
December 2, 2010 at 5:45 PM
i love this! quite an alluring free verse :) and thank you for yur comments! ------Ell
Thomer Avatar
December 2, 2010 at 4:25 PM
ps: if i may, you might enjoy looking into a piece I wrote called Coffin of the Heart. thanks :).
Thomer Avatar
December 2, 2010 at 4:21 PM
Your opening stanza was something familiar to me, i have had such moments. You're heart has amazing treasures in it i can tell, as do the words that bleed from them. I am absolutely infatuated here, and have no shame to say it. You have made yourself eternal here, I am grateful to read your work. Thank you for taking me on this journey with you, it was wonderful! yours truly, --Madison
Thomer Avatar
December 2, 2010 at 4:18 PM
Audonus, you brought tears to my eyes with these piece! It was simply amazing, brillaint, well crafted beauty. The honesty within the emotions of your words takes your reader to all the places we forget about within ourselves. "releases melted fragments of my heart through my eyes" I have never read tears described so beautifully, I am in love with that line, and may just have to marry it so i can carry it with me always. Alas i am running out of room...to another comment! --Madison
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