Tim Ryerson Poet Tanka

Life and Death Re-Write

Tetractys version:

Her 
eyes blinked
then fluttered
She was awake
We rushed over weeping tears of relief

Another family passed in the hall
Huddled as one
We noticed
they wept
too

Tanka version: 

inaudible words
eyes blinking and fluttering
she was waking up
we rushed over to her side
weeping warm, sweet tears of joy

arm in arm, heads bowed
another family passed
who wept as we did
yet they wept different tears
their tears were not tears of joy

Deb's contest

♡Like0

Share Poem

---

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

Poet Destroyer A May 1, 2013 at 6:03 PM Tim,, Congratulations :-) In Debbie's "Metamorph" contest. always~ PD

Abdulhafeez Oyewole April 28, 2013 at 9:55 AM Congrats on your win Tim~A.O

Debbie Guzzi April 25, 2013 at 3:52 PM Glad to see you stretching so poetrically cher. Congrad's on your win. Light & Love

Mandy Tams The Golden Girl April 25, 2013 at 10:18 AM Many congratulations Tim , xx

Andrea Dietrich April 8, 2013 at 5:51 PM You did great with these, Tim. I definitely think you improved it by going to tanka form. The other is good but I don't like that form of poetry very well. It's too limiting. Don't you think so?

Charmaine Chircop April 5, 2013 at 11:43 PM It definitely describes more thsn passing awsy ir surviving..It describes life as it is..to me.yep whilst someone is so happy..the other could be so sad. .both transmitting tears..Awesome.

Donna Jones April 5, 2013 at 9:35 PM Nice Richard..we have all been through both the sad and joyful tears and can relate to this very well..good luck...Donna

Poet Destroyer A April 5, 2013 at 9:03 PM Hello Tim, a deep image and picture you have painted. However, warm tears of joys must be a weird and good feeling. a sad ending... when heads are bowed. different tears, is all one can share... good luck in the contest...Linda