Notes About The Poem

Least Viewed

Original title: LONGING

My dream was to ride
Not on horseback, no, on your motorcycle, 
with you
With my hair in the wind
A whirling tornado of curls
Lashing out at your back and helmet
And my arms wrapped around you
With my eyes closed 
While sunlight etched trees
we passed
In lively paintings in my brain

But here I am
Sitting between your legs
So you can keep me upright
And your one arm tightly around me
While holding the reins with the other
I close my eyes and lean against you
Feeling in your warm chest
A little fire burning
within
you and I

Perhaps that is all the motorcycle I need
Being with you on horseback
While you prevent me from falling
And I am keeping you in the saddle
Perhaps that is what we do,
metaphor for our lives.

Originally written October 15, 2016

***

ON HORSEBACK We're galloping wildly My hair in the wind lashing my curls against your back, holding on tightly to you Through my closed eyelids I see silhouettes of trees we pass. My dream, there, with you. Instead you hold me up between your legs. Your warm chest keeping me from falling. One arm safely around me, holding the reins with the other. We're glowing softly, together Perhaps this is all I need: Being with you on horseback While you prevent me from falling, and I am keeping you in the saddle, metaphor for our lives. Rewritten October 21, 2016 for contest: Least Viewed Sponsor: Marugu MO
Copyright © | Year Posted 2016


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Date: 10/23/2016 10:48:00 PM
These are both fantastic. I don't think I can choose one over the other :)
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Darren White
Date: 10/24/2016 1:46:00 AM
Haha, I like that. I love them both too, but I used just too many words in the first one!
Date: 10/21/2016 8:42:00 AM
I remember commenting on the original Darren have got to say I LOVE the re-write even better than the original poem:-) good luck in the contest:-) hugs Jan xx
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Darren White
Date: 10/21/2016 9:08:00 AM
Thanks, Jan :D
Date: 10/21/2016 6:16:00 AM
Nice work. :)
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Darren White
Date: 10/21/2016 8:05:00 AM
Thank you! :)
Date: 10/21/2016 5:32:00 AM
Sunlit poem ... sun of intellect ... GL ...
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Darren White
Date: 10/21/2016 8:05:00 AM
Thank you so much :)
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