Last breath
Last breath
My beloved mom, she lay in her bed, her only place of refuge, her 88 years of life, her body still, quiet, only her chest rise up and down…
We all knew thus time would eventually come, I wait outside, longing to be alone with her, as I join her at bedside, I grasp her old but smooth hand, the same hand who for many many years growing up, I wished had wiped away my tears…
As her youngest child of 8, I fought to be loved, nurtured, embraced, instead was met with silence, ignoring my inner child, a hug, a kiss, a simple “I’m so proud of you”.
I sit in silence rubbing her hand, conflicted with sadness of her last breath, and feelings of sadness of her relationship with me, where was my hugs, my kisses, my nurturing, my encouragement, my LOVE..
Days, moments, of me rolled up in a ball, fear of anger, dark, instead of love, hate, embraces of love, met with strikes of her hand, a child raised in pain of abuse.
I pick up my tear streaked face, I kiss her hand, I say I LOVE YOU, I SAY how strong she is, you weren’t able to be what my “inner child longed for, but I give you to JESUS now, the one who kept me safe, who sheltered that baby girl HE created, from pain, yelling, abuse from my family, GOD gave me what HIS child needed a loving family of two kids, a husband and a loving church family.
Her Last breath, is MY first step as a daughter of GOD, I stand to leave, whispering “ She’s yours JESUS, my time of PAIN ends with her death…
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