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Ladybug Muse

I think my dorm room may have a ladybug infestation. You know why I think this? Because I am usually, when in my dorm room, surrounded by ladybugs. I go to sleep with them. I wake up with them. And at this point, they are basically a part of my daily life. Now some people- normal people, would have filed a maintenance request to get them all vacuumed up, but of course, me being a writer, I've begun to feel pity for them. When I wake up I often look under my pillow and hope I haven't rolled over and crushed any of the poor creatures in my sleep. Honestly I know how all of this may sound, but I often think “aren't they just as alive as you and I?” I sometimes wonder if that's why I feel sort of connected to the little guys- they're my friends, my companions, sometimes even my confidantes. When I see them walk across my tiny desk-globe I more often than not, pretend they're walking across the world and I think of what it would be like to be a giant ladybug myself- travelling to delft or Milan or Paris- scaring the out of people. The sad part is I often have to play the role of a ladybug grim reaper. I mean some of them have to die, which I have to kill, or else they’d probably eat me alive. Although most seem to be attracted to the overhead light which simply instigates their acts of mass suicide. Occasionally I’ll take the courtesy of moving them aside, although when I roll up the blinds I inadvertently seem to kill seven or eight at a time. Often with feelings of remorse I try to think of them as martyrs for an open window. I feel so bad I often think back to my pillow and wonder if that would have been a better way to go and ask myself is it fair for me to even have to breathe? My dorm room may accumulate heat but they were simply just trying to live their lives, never asking for any trouble. Even now as I write this they scamper and scuddle on my cup of ink pens as if they're the ones trying to scribble this drawn-out message to defend and contend with how they never had wanted to be my friends in the first place. To say “although we may be killed by LED lights, ultimately we are the purest form of life. You are merely human and one day we will eat you alive.” to which i'd reply “Is this really about the blinds?”

Copyright © | Year Posted 2020

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