JUST
I just needed to be
That young woman in the red, cable-knit cardigan one more time
Who mama had to make excuses for…
“She’s very intelligent.”
And there were silence and blank stares all around the table
I just needed to be that young woman in the red, cable-knit cardigan
Maybe things would be different
And I could be “enough”
Was I an English major then?
Lost in Radcliffe and Love Story illusions of bliss
The reality of being adrift on a tumbling log of family dysfunction
Losses in the raging rapids and tousling winds
Threatening to overtake me…Soon, too soon.
But I smiled and drank my coffee cautiously, ever so carefully
Fading away like swallowed cream swirling in the throat
Trying to be unnoticed…a guest in this house of unfamiliarity
A visitor beside family who had to make excuses for my being
My very presence an apology
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