It's a Soup Creek Christmas
It's time to get the stockings out of storage
before those who are nosey, begin to forage,
in my saloon, lookin' for their Christmas gift.
I know if I catch em' they'll plead the fifth!
In these parts, there's lots of Soup Creek folk
who expect nice presents, and that's no joke.
One lil filly, not of the four-legged kind,
was mighty quick a week ago to give a remind!
She calls me 'boss,' and flat out asked yesterday,
when she'd be gettin a raise, a lil' extra pay.
Boldly, she threw in a bonus would be nice.
I told Deb, she'd better put her tongue on ice.
She's good at keepin' cowdy boys comin' in,
she told me it's cuz she’s sexy. Said it with a grin.
In her stocking will be gold in a jar of vegemite.
That should suit the lil' missy's rich appetite!
Mayor Tom has the biggest stocking at my bar
He's a good man, so I bought him a new guitar.
He already gets free drinks, the whole year 'round.
When I need him, I know where he can be found.
Sheriff Koplin says he don't need a gol darn thing.
The jail has lots of locks so I'll get him a key ring.
His badge made lots of holes in his buckskin vest
So I made him a new one, for my thanks expressed.
Gambler Milt Hankins is building a new house.
Could be he's got his eye on marryin' a spouse.
I'll add a deck of cards to his hangin' stocking
and hope on some lady's door, he'll be knockin'.
Ranger David scuffled with a mean ol' outlaw
but beat him in a gunfight with his blazin' draw.
A good guy always gets to wear the white hat
so I sent for one way over near the river, Platte.
Bartender Jeff gets two weeks of paid vacation
and a train ticket to anywhere in our great nation.
But he has to promise that he'll return to us
or I'll hunt him down and raise quite a ruckus!
I have to keep all the ladies happy at my saloon,
So every Sat'day night we'll have dancin' tunes.
I hope it draws new cowboys, spendin' money.
Shucks! I might even find one to call my honey.
If you don't like what's in your stockings and socks
I can have Undertaker Tom build you a pine box.
Deb will get a bigger bonus if she takes down names
of those who bellyache in protest and make claims.
The stockings will be hung until Christmas mornin'
but my Winchester's close at hand. Fair warnin'
to any cowpoke, wanderer, or bank robbin' band...
Touch a stocking and risk losin' your thievin' hand!
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