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Involuntary Childless

There's a name for me
Involuntary childless
And I can't escape this
It's everywhere I look
Being an involuntary childless
Made my pain too real
It's everywhere I go
Stalking me like an unwanted lover
Under the sheets
Creeping up when asleep
Dreaming a fat belly, glowing perfectly

I cried a day I suppose 
I expect more
But now there's a name for me
Charities I never knew
others as me
Scared of the supermarket
Afraid to walk the dog
Not wanting the cheers of children near
I never knew
I never knew it would be too real

I am an involuntary childless
This exact name for me
I should be happy
Feel some sort of relief
But I don't
You see now there's a name for me
Charities
There's others feeling as this
loneliness so cruel
Life feeling pointless
A silence between holding hands
A missing atom
This world is deverstation for me
And i wouldn't wish this on anyone

But now there's a name for it
I feel worse than I did
This Lonely place others also exist
For them I feel hurt, intolerable pain
Racking through my chest
Finding it hard to breath
Others should not be with me in this dark cavern
Not knowing where their life is going
All on hold for wanting

My husband loves me
Although the missing is still there
Shall always be near
I wanted to leave
Stand alone
Letting him have a piece of paradise
A life with
Not being without
Not being an involuntary childless

The worst hurt  occurred
When his mother told him not to leave
Stand by me
As if I'm an object he could put down
As I don't work properly
Just an object
Not a good one at that
That's when it hurt the most
As I was turned into and object
That doesn't work
As though our love, marriage now means nought
As I'm involuntary childless
I'm an object that doesn't work

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David Williams Date: 3/2/2014 6:15:00 AM LKN this one wrenches at the heart strings, you must be in a constant state of limbo which obviously effects your everyday life, thank you for adding my comment on your book, I hope happiness for you and others is just around the corner....David Login to Reply Little Known Nothing Date: 3/2/2014 6:23:00 AM Thanks David, you've no idea how much that means to me. Please tell you friends about my book. As eventually if I can open a charity, it will do so much good.