Intuition
I knew I should have just walked away;
The moment I laid eyes on you I should have...
I don’t know...blocked you out
I should have seen the blaring danger sign above your head,
Should have heard my heart’s agonised screams of longing –
And I should have realised you would be the death of me
But then I guess I’m a bit funny that way;
I always seem to walk straight toward death,
I seem to throw my arms around my own destruction –
And draw it deeper and deeper inside me,
The way I did to you...
Perhaps it’s just masochism, or perhaps I find death enchanting
Well, when death looks like you, who wouldn’t?
You are so beautiful it beggars belief;
It almost hurts my eyes to look at you –
Your radiance dazzles, and causes me to trip and fall
To fall so hard my heart cracks - and bruises like an overripe peach;
And meanwhile you never even stumble
You just breeze effortlessly into my life, into my body,
Into the aching chasm of my heart,
And there you leave your mark, carving it into the living flesh...
Proclaiming me your latest conquest, your latest homicide
Christ you’ve hurt me; Christ you’ve got me good
Clasped so tight in your Judas grip you fill me to the brim with love
And then with brusque indifference you slam the door in my face
And melt into the desert sands with not even a backward glance...
And as for me – like a dumb fool I sit and watch you go
Speechless with suffering, wracked with raping pain
I know there is nothing I can do to stop you
Know it’s my fault you’re gone – if only...
If only I were prettier, funnier, purer...
If only I had never let you in
If only I had listened to my intuition and wistfully walked away....
I could have saved myself from death on that very first black day
Copyright © Amy Van De Casteele | Year Posted 2009
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