Internal Black Hole

Why do I feel this way? Feels like I'm being swallowed up by darkness.. Like I'm being shaken until I cry, and yet here I am frozen in time. I'm being internally beaten up.. My heart wanting to burst apart. Why do I feel so down all the time? Do I need help..? Is school the cause of this pain..? This emptiness inside me. It is once said in a song.. "Silence makes me think about what I've done.. There's no way to mask what is real. No sound to hide behind." If you're ever wondering why I have headphones in... Is because I then don't have to think about the things that I've done... I can hide behind my music, put up that barricade, as if to block out any other living thing. How am I suppose to love myself if all I feel inside is nothingness... Just a big black whole, sucking every bit of happiness out of me and making me feel sick to my stomach, makes me feel betrayed, not trustworthy... What the HELL IS THIS?!