Intellectual Snobbery

When I was in grade school I was, already, on my leftbrain dominant path toward acting the intellectual snob. This, in large part my best offense, my trump card, sadly, against marginalizing prejudice of our community's non-farmer economic and political Elite; The few kids whose parents went to college and/or inherited some above-the-norm property business, preferably not agribusiness, professional service assets even the most straight white male would appreciate like doctors and nursing wives, two income households with academic bright credentials. By the time I reached high school being on, or at least within sight of, the top of my class, and president of as much political property as possible, or at least vice-president, became my trump card for getting out of rural SWM oppression, depression, suppression, Where I was not safe, back in the 1960s rural midwest, and I could never possibly matter, become one of the local community's Elite, a pillar of church and state while overcoming the guilt and shame of being the gay son of a below median income family farmer. Intellectual snobbery was my leftbrain overwhelming defense against rightbrain amygdala loneliness, extreme social-sexual isolation, drowning in cortisol-baptized self-stigmatization. Leftbrain dominant academic skills were my best offense for succeeding out in urban urbane multicultural cosmopolitan singing and dancing democratically compassionate win/win feeling and acting society. The only healthy society that mattered; where I could possibly matter, and become transparent and vulnerable and connected and safe. That defensive snobbery still, in 2020 hindsight, lives in my deepest closet, longing for warmer more inclusive acceptance, invitation, compassion For right brain radical interdependence with those of us, regardless of income and lack thereof, regardless of self empowerment and lack thereof, capable of engaging and energizing this tragic comedy of small staged love lives, Rural and urbane Healthy and wealthy Ego and eco-therapeutic Left and right brained Smart and warmly co-passionate Proud and humble Divinely humane playing more win/win trump cards through most cooperative co-investment.