Alainey Craig Poet Rhyme

Inside My Self

Bottled up inside

Are things Ill never say,

The feelings that I hide,

The lines you never read


maybe you can see it in my eyes,

or Read it on my face,

but Trapped inside are lies,

Of the past I can't replace


With memories that linger,

And won't seem to go away,

Why is it I can't I be happier?

Today's a brand new day


Yesterdays are over

Even if the hurting is not,

Nothing lasts forever,

so I must cherish what I've got


 but Don't take my love for granted,

For soon it will be gone,

All you've ever wanted,

Of the love you thought you won


The feelings I have now

Won't disappear overnight,
But somehow, someway I believe everything will be alright

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Poet Destroyer A June 11, 2015 at 1:52 PM This is awesome, I like it very much

Cyndi Macmillan June 10, 2015 at 8:09 PM Hello, Back to give some feedback. I can see that this is an honest write. It can be strengthened by reducing the amount of filler words... like "the." Ask yourself if every "the" you have in this poem is really necessary."The" feelings or just feelings? & to intensify the emotion, you could consider, "Even if 'this' hurting is not." This indicates an immediate and active moment, current situation and is more personal than "the." I hope you have read some or all of the other workshop poems.

Cyndi Macmillan June 10, 2015 at 12:24 PM Hello, Alainey, I have closed the workshop and hopefully other soupers will come in and give some feedback, too. Also, please visit either my blog with the links or go to the member contest winners page and use the links there to the other workshop participants and try to provide feedback to the other participating poets. Thank you. Cyndi

Skat A June 9, 2015 at 11:41 PM thanks for sharing your feelings.

Debbie Guzzi May 15, 2015 at 7:48 PM How does being a 'soldier of God' have anything to do with the rest of the verse? Are we to assume God wants your suffering? Don't double space unless you are doing it for emphasis. Why are Read & Trapped capitalized? Only capitalize the beginning of a sentence & proper nouns. Light & Love

Jan Allison April 26, 2015 at 3:57 PM this is very deep and sad - we all have regrets over things we did or did not do or said or did not say - not just to our children but to others in our lives - :-( Hugs Jan xx