Inner Demons

Walls closing in on the darkness that surrounds the very edges of my thoughts as I force a fake smile to appear along my face with eyes clouded insecurely holding my innermost pain… Buried down deeply in the deepest forgotten center of my aging body lies the innocence that was unwillfully stolen and damaged… The innocence of a bright blossoming child/young adult that once shined brightly twinkling in the brown pools of my eyes instantly taken away leaving behind an emptiness that I unsuccessfully tried to fill with sexual conquests and hatred… Hatred for the lack of attention to small details, for blindly overlooking the change within myself… The once happy, loving and sensually sweet hearted innocence child was now a violently empty promiscuous young adult who now lacked the self respect and self love that once filled the beautifully instilled thoughts floating around in her mind. Continuous shots and toxic blows continued to diminish and damage the love and respect of oneself from deeply within… Depression stalks the painfully mirrored images of the past… Once beloved activities turned into crushingly unmotivated projects of self doubt and inner hatred.. the fight to stay strong becomes a down spiraling roller coaster as the willingness to drown into the smallest corner to shield the last bit of love and happiness within yourself as the gleaming brightness that once filled your eyes drains and diminishes until it numbingly dies out in front of the very mirror that use to portray your greatest lie covered by a mask of makeup until you no longer recognize that immensely damaged individual you craved to never become.. Numb, broken and defeated are words that continuously run rampantly inside your mind as you drift into a slumber of nothingness you wonder if this was all you!