Inner child wounds
Inner child wounds to condemn or condone. Now a part of me has never grown
Taking care of my mother became my role. Pretending to be a grown up took its toll.
As a child, empty just wanting a father role. Leaving me spent and out of control. Drained and plenty now to resent. Left with these memories. I wish I could forget. Never grown in the ways needed. Only realizing at 44 I feel defeated. Learning about myself in ways I never learned. Left with anger feeling torn. As a child I felt the abuse and pain. Left in silence once again with no one to hear. Left with my thoughts and fears. Unable to ever be washed away. Hurt that subconsciously lingers till this day. Long after the marks disappeared the scars stayed as a reminder of an unimaginable time. Left feeling like existing was a crime. Loved ones abandoning me lost and gone. I knew he’d leave all along. Yet again. Abandonment drew near. I had no tears no emotions left. Numb inside to forget. Left before I had the courage to speak the truth. Witnessing and experiencing the temper that left me scared. All the abuse that remained. My mother broken down again. Numbing herself with multiple men Obsessed with men that seemed to care. More than she was obsessed with me. Left there. For all to see. Innocence lost. Demons fought. Insane is what he made her be. Some of the inner wounds that made me me. Instability exist. A loveless home persist. As a child it’s do as I say, not as I do. To be seen, not heard. To bleed inside of you. Hiding what is true. I never had a mother. I learned to raise myself. As a child I was the one that helped. No normalcy. I dealt. She hid her mental illness well. Created through her trauma and hell. Missing hugs I never got to feel. Too busy in her mind for what was real. Left three generations later unable to heal. Yearning for things I never knew. I cared for myself and the numbness grew. I hid the abuse he put us through. Torment from the only dad I knew. Escaping the truth when he went away. I was only 10. I remember that day. Crying in despair losing the dysfunction that was there. Left with distant pain and grief. Believing all people leave when things get tough. Coming to the realization that my mom gave up. Now left with scars and subconscious fears. Growing out of these impressionable years.
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