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I'M Scared

I am a fake, I hide behind a wall, but once in a while I let my guard fall, I let people in and some of them stay, but some of the leave and that’s what has happened today, I always let emotion cloud my judgement but don’t ever know what I want, I live to please others and that has to change because I need to start loving myself, I know I don’t like me, but there’s nothing I can do, I’m the one I’m stuck with but I thought this one could become two, I thought maybe it would make me feel better maybe it would help, if I wasn’t alone if I wasn’t by myself, maybe if I love you, you’d love me back, because then at least someone would….

Don’t get me wrong I know I have people, people who love me and care for me, but I just feel different when I’m with you and I don’t even know why? I think I knew from the start this wouldn’t work out but I thought if I worked for it maybe we had a shout but I know you weren’t into it, I know that you care but when it comes to me and you your heart just isn’t there, maybe I need to start just focusing on me, trying to knock down this wall so I finally know me, because maybe after I start being me people will accept it, maybe I need to be selfish for a while so I can sort myself out, because I know that I need to see what life’s truly about… 

I scared of the future and I cover it by saying I won’t be in it, but maybe I don’t want to do the things I always say, maybe I want to live my life helping people day to day, I think the thing I want to do is helping people like me and you, work out their problems and get to know themselves, instead of doing what I do and putting ourselves upon the shelf, we really do matter to us and to others… but that’s what scares me most…

What if someone needs me, what if they need me to be strong, how can I do it for them if I can’t do it for me, but maybe that’s my problem I can help people with their problems but when I comes to mine, the problems are so hard to see… clouded by emotion… I live my life scared

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