Tamesha Khemraj Poet Free verse

I'm Fine

In depths of whispered lies, they ask,
“Are you okay?” I respond, “I’m fine”
But inside, I’m tangled in a knot
A turmoil of thoughts I can’t untwine
“I’m fine”, the words escaped my lips,
The greatest shield against my pain within 
But beneath the surface,
Oh beneath the surface, I suffocate 
In a sea of sorrow, I drown and spin 
Beneath the surface, behind every “I’m fine”
I wish…
I wish I could find the courage 
The courage to pick a knife up
I wish I could slit my throat 
Oh I wish…
I wish I could drown in my own blood as it gushes from my throat
Maybe then I’d drown in something that’s not my own thoughts
“I’m fine”, I whispered, but it’s a lie
For each day I live, I feel dead inside
Behind these eyes, a storm rage
Behind every smile, a tempest roars,
“I’m fine”, I said, though I long to scream
A masked laughter to withdraw the pain 
“I’m fine”, I whispered as I cut open my thigh
“I’m fine”, I whispered as I enjoyed watching my blood escape through my scars
In the silence of my hollow soul,
Echoes of anguish take their toll
“I’m fine”, I repeat like a broken record
Yet inside I feel so severed 
With each "I'm fine," I lose a piece,
Until there's nothing left but grief.
Beneath the surface, I drown in sorrow,
Yet still, I say, "I'll make it to tomorrow."
 But in the darkness, where shadows creep,
The truth emerges from its sleep.
"I'm not fine," I finally admit,
As I confront the demons that won't quit.
So here I stand, broken and bare,
Stripped of my disguise,
No longer hiding, no longer scared.
"I'm not fine," I confessed to the night,
For only in truth, can I find the light.

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