Ice Cream Gran 7 - Gran Goes Deep
The Hammer and the sickle were emblazoned on its tower
This underwater enemy would demonstrate its power
The submarine, in covert mode, torpedoes at the ready
The crosshairs on the monitor were holding nice and steady
The captain said, ‘Dear Comrades, you shall see the west can’t halt
Our mission to send shockwaves through the San Andreas Fault.’
The sonar operator said, ‘There’s something coming near,
It’s seems to get much closer with each echo ping I hear.
‘It’s playing with our sonar, yet it’s such a tiny craft,
I think it may be playing tunes (and everybody laughed)
Captain, all the readings say it only holds one man.’
The captain said, ‘Go visual.’…
… and they saw an ice cream van
*
‘What is this western lunacy, how dare they aim to mock
The mighty Russian bear shall now deliver them a shock
Fire one on my command and get that spy craft shot
Then hit the San Andreas Fault with everything we’ve got.’
‘Might I suggest,’ the tannoy said, ‘you rescind that command.’
‘I shall sink your vessel should you not heed my demand.’
The Russian crew all fell about and one said, almost crying,
‘An Ice Cream Van just shook its fist and threatened us with dying’
The captain who was less amused, said, ‘Arm torpedoes… fire!
Send that crazy ice cream van to rot in Satan’s mire.’
He watched the screen as all his tin fish sped toward their goals
And tried to estimate his count of vanquished western souls
In his sights the ice cream van just hovers in midwater
The torpedoes are closing and he relishes the slaughter
But in the van sits Turbo Gran and Nitro Cat she pats
Nitro Cat takes one deep breath and nips out through a hatch
He’s buoyed by a ballon that lifts him clear of Gran’s destruction
But then he claws that air filled orb as per Gran’s instruction
Sprinkles in a hundred colours flutter in the ocean
Confusing each torpedo with their visual commotion
They twist and turn and loop the loop to relocate their target
But Speedy van’s new gadget is distinctly after-market
Granny flips a switch that drops the radiator grill
Two massive ice cream whisks glide forth as though by their own will
Another switch and each of those ice cream whisks start rotating
Which is handy as the sprinkles now are dissipating
The ice cream whisks spin faster and those torpedoes turn back
The crew aboard the Russian sub all find their bladders slack
As Nitro Cat reseals the hatch and sheds his sodden cape
Turbo Gran turns Speedy ’round and makes good their escape
And as the sub explodes and Gran speeds off to save herself
In western California a pot falls off a shelf
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