I Will Be Queen

She smirked With a remarkable resemblance To Miranda Richardson Playing Elizabeth the First Just as soon as I can bump off My new Sister-in-Law Korporate Kate That two bit Sloan It shall be I who is Next in line to it all! I hear there’s a story about some Princes, a Tower and a wall Get that done it will be I Who shall take the British throne…. Although I will have to brush up Maybe take the Royal Tour Incognito of course, Paying special attention to the Tour Guide, His story about the Princes, the Tower and the wall Because really I don’t know anything about the British Or the Royals, at all! You just turn up, right? PR Firm, Prince on your arm Smile, say something scripted Written by someone smart That makes me sound Like I actually have a heart! And those idiot Brits Pay Royals money! For doing what exactly?! The Brits, they’re so funny! They drive Jags , wave flags, and pay me money! And I get to keep my own wealth Stashed off shore Safe from the US and UK Tax Man! And what this ‘marriage’ Will do for my flagging career! OK and Hello! They’re queuing up, right here! There’s talk of a 6 page spread ME on the throne With leopard skin leggings! And a post-marriage Bikini body special! Oh, I’ve died and gone to celebrity heaven! But that will be before I get knocked up With MY air to the throne All costs covered by The dim witted Taxpaying, flag waving British peasants Of course! So I will ignore my nagging doubts That the Brits are already Calling me Marie Antoinette, And something about renting A guillotine from France What is this British nick name thing? And why can’t my PR Firm control it?! And why, when my back is turned, Is Prince Philip Counting the silver and Checking my purse Whilst banging on about Some dusty old German Royal Who sold her family jewels During the last war To feed the poor! Dumb *****! Why do that when you can stash Your wealth safely off shore? Well away from the Tax Man and the poor! Isn't that what the Tax Havens are for? So all I have to do To make MY DREAMS Come true Is to get that Hewitt Kid into bed Although it’ll be Nanny dress up And spank his little bot Because he’s (still) A little private school boy at heart But apart from that Oh it’s GUARANTEED to be such fun! But will someone PLEASE PLEASE Tell me What the AMERICAN translation Is for the British word ‘****’?