I Want You To Know

I want you to know that despite your self-conscious pretension your affected accent your compulsive cynicism despite your inability to listen or sit still or be quiet for longer than a minute despite that you can never lose an argument despite that you slept with someone else are thirty this year despite your hair I want you to know that despite that you make me say things I don't mean and pretend to enjoy things I don't like despite that you think I'm a alcoholic because I'll have more than one drink at a party despite that you make me nervous so I can't think and make stupid spelling errors when I write to you that you point out later on I want you to know that despite that I can only speak about you bitterly to friend after friend despite that I still get an unhealthy thrill out of listing all your worst traits again and again despite that you make me feel repetitive, mean-spirited, combative, cynical, fraudulent, judged despite that you make me want to hold you down and put my hands over your mouth so you'll shut up I still love you (in a certain way) despite myself.