Dan Enache Poet Free verse

I Want to Disappear into Crystal Nothingness

I Want to Disappear into Crystal Nothingness

I want to disappear into nothingness like a flake of cosmic ash carried by wind,
to no longer meet myself for a long time of black velvet darkness,
I don't want translucent peace I don't want jade pain that tears the bare chest,
just a nameless state that I feel but can never understand at all.

Without happiness without pain without victory without defeat in magic darkness,
just time stopped suspended in air where I exist and don't exist simultaneously,
stuck somewhere in the middle unable to return unable to move forward ever,
unfamiliar strange a stranger in my own eyes of liquid mercury cold.

Maybe for a little while loss of self feels lighter than carrying the weight,
than carrying who I am like a heavy quartz cross sculpted in pain,
I want to become translucent like smoke that dissipates through cosmic empty air,
to melt like mercury into earth without trace without echo without living memory.

I don't want to be happy I don't want to be sad just absent from equation,
a psychedelic phantom floating between worlds without touching any of them,
suspended between existence and non-being like a drop of jade in cosmic void,
where everything is possible and nothing matters at the same time magic and hollow.

I want to forget who I was to no longer know who I am or who I will become,
to be a pause in the cosmic symphony an empty space between two heartbeats,
a moment of black velvet silence between two words unspoken forever more,
where I can breathe without weight without the burden of my name of burnt quartz.

Loss of self becomes magic refuge when being yourself is too heavy to carry,
when identity becomes chains of molten silver pulling you to the ocean's depths,
I prefer to disappear into fog to become nothing than remain my own cosmic prisoner,
in my strange eyes I see a barren universe where I no longer recognize myself at all.

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