Jennifer Reynolds Poet Free verse

I Wait

How is it possible to feel so much 
and be so very numb at the same time?
How am I supposed to be able to trust
When each time that I think I am safe
I am shown again how little I am worth,.
I feel small and numb. Cold and resentful.
and thunderous and indignant-
There is a tornado of emotions in my heart
and a blizzard of thoughts in my head.
My soul feels shattered, again.
I'm tired of rebuilding my heart, and stitching together
the pieces of my soul with hope.
What I thought was an everlasting
supply of hope and trust and faith
has run out
The empty fumes waft up
and remind me
of the person I used to be.
Years ago
Before the destruction of
what used to make me shine.
Resentment, anger and paranoia
cloud my once clear mind.
I am turning in circles, trying to find,
a way out of this fog of lethargy
caused by the infection in my light
The shadow of doubt in my eyes
the longing for something long gone-
tarnished. warped. disturbed.
I feel unreal-
like a cardboard character
in a badly written novel.
With a vague plot, full of heartbreak and rage.
I take all that I feel,
all i wish wasn't real-
and try and cram it into a black box-
in the corner of my heart-
the Box that casts the shadow
that lurks in my eyes-
the window to my soul-
tainted, shattered.
held together by the thin strands
of my heart
stretched to their breaking point.
I cant shove it all in.
the Shadow Box is full.
so the poison leaks into my soul.
The acid carves cracks in my heart.
I use my rage
to seal my lips-
Closed.
Instead of screaming my pain.
I shred my emotions
pulverize them into a putty
Use them
to patch the parts of my soul
not tethered to my heart.
I wait until night falls
so I can dream of what I will never have.
When night falls
you cannot see the tears
that stain my pillow case
or the wildness in my eyes.

I wait.

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Ezer Agyin January 25, 2019 at 3:03 PM You took me on an emotional rollercoaster. This is what writing is about, a soul with emotions transferrable

Alunamda Yokwe January 25, 2019 at 2:28 PM I love the line, I use my rage to seal my lips- closed. Such a great way to express that emotion

Darlene De Beaulieu January 25, 2019 at 1:27 PM Hello Jennifer, in order for me to heal I came across a poem from one of the poets on this site,reading it a few times made me heal. It takes time to heal , you will heal. have a nice day my friend.

Caren Krutsinger January 19, 2019 at 11:18 PM Jennifer, often the first step toward healing is writing down your feelings. If so, you are well on your way to total optimism and joy. "'m tired of rebuilding my heart, and stitching together the pieces of my soul with hope. What I thought was an everlasting supply of hope and trust and faith." Using these words helps me to see hope, trust, and faith are still there. They need to be coaxed a bit to come out and play. Write! Jennifer Reynolds January 22, 2019 at 1:44 AM Thank you.