I Shouldn't Be Here
No one can save me, its sad but it's true
It's not a reflection of how I love you
It's something within me, deep down inside
A feeling of numbness that I've tried to hide
It's recurring presence is tiring me now
I want it to stop but it puzzles me how
Why does my body not work like it should?
Why does my mind believe I'm no good?
I want to feel joy, live life to the max
See goodness in others, take comfort in facts
It makes me feel sad that my mind is broken
Writing this now, a pitying token
I do not want pity, I do not want shame
I do not want loved ones taking the blame
I wish I could be so much better at life
I wish I could be a good mother and wife
But when sadness consumes me, I don't want to stay
I want things to end and to just get away
I'm angry because I know its not right
So I stay here today and continue the fight
But deep in my soul there's a truth hidden there
That one day I'll give in to the returning despair
It will catch me one day with its challenging sneer
Directing my actions 'cos I shouldn't be here
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