I Search for You in This Lifetime
By Phan Tan Hai
These words are the words I read each day,
each day I chant, I sing, I murmur,
I eat, I swallow, I laugh: that this
exists, therefore that exists; that this
does not, therefore that does not…
these words are the words I breathe each hour,
each hour I inhale, I look, I touch,
I grasp, I crumble, I taste: that this arises,
therefore that arises; that this ceases,
therefore that ceases… each minute, each second,
these words, these words… soaking into me,
becoming my flesh and blood… becoming not-me, becoming
the not-me, the not-mine, the nothing
that is mine… these words, these words—
only these words remain. These are the words
I once spoke to you, in class,
outside the library, at the end of the lecture hall,
beside the hospital bed: that this exists,
therefore that exists; that this does not,
therefore that does not; that this arises,
therefore that arises; that this ceases,
therefore that ceases… and do you remember,
that only because of you, one day, two days,
enduring to the third day, I stepped into life,
into life to find you, to speak to you,
to you, these words, these words…
One life, one life unbearably heavy—
do you know, only one life, that I
sat counting: one life, two lives, three lives,
four lives… to uncountable lives… do you
remember, that I sat counting
for you, life after life after life…
that I have searched for you through countless lives,
to tell you again: that this exists,
therefore that exists; that this does not,
therefore that does not; that this arises,
therefore that arises; that this ceases,
therefore that ceases… I sit and I count…
no one, no one—only a handful
of flesh counting; do you hear,
only the sound of counting, only a handful
of flesh sitting, watching, speaking
to you… This life, this life… that you
do not remember the countless lives in which I
sat tapping on your coffin, sat singing,
sat singing to you: that this
exists, therefore that exists; that this
does not, therefore that does not; that this
arises, therefore that arises; that this
ceases, therefore that ceases… that through lifetimes
I have watched your beauty, through lifetimes,
through lifetimes, I have watched your smile, through lifetimes,
through lifetimes, and begged you: please
listen to me, listen to these words: that this
exists, therefore that exists; that this
does not, therefore that does not; that this
arises, therefore that arises; that this
ceases, therefore that ceases… This life,
this life… that you may see… this life,
this life… that you may see… there is that
which is not born, that which does not die…
there is a voice counting, yet unmoving, unmoving,
unmoving, unborn, unborn… a voice
counting through countless lives, still not
becoming a voice, still not becoming a voice…
Post Comments
Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.
Please
Login
to post a comment