I saw you
I saw you today, well not exactly.
I caught a glimpse of your shoes and while that sounds kind of insane,
I heard your laugh again and I could've sworn it sounded just like you calling my name.
But then the bell rang and I was brought back to my senses.
When I turned around you were already gone , not just then but in past, present and even future tenses.
You've actually been gone for a while now, so I don't know why you're still on my mind.
It's not like you'll come back the more that I reminisce or that my visions of you will make it easier for me not to miss you.
Technically speaking, you aren't "gone" but your name is no longer part of my vocabulary.
And although I sometimes wish I could go back, I don't know if I could fight a battle I've lost once already.
It's funny actually, the way I still find myself wanting to call you as soon as there's good news.
Then I remember that whatever we had was nothing but a game I was bound to lose.
It feels like torture, having to walk by and pretend I don't smell your cologne,
almost provoking me to turn and face you but I know it won't do me any good because at the end of it all I'm still alone.
It's maddening honestly, how everytime I'm convinced we'll cross paths, you seem to remain only orbiting my fantasy but never materialising into my reality.
I was starting to think it had all been a fever dream. the way you spoke to me, how you held my hand, when you smiled and for a moment I lost my train of thought.
But it's not like it matters, after all you were just another lesson I was forced to be taught.
Could've fooled me, well I guess you did, the way you used to look at me, like I was the center of all your desires.
How your eyes would light up at the sound of my voice, like two blazing fires.
But I'm done living in this delusion, when you just keep leaving me in a state of confusion.
I'm determined to find someone new, someone that won't hurt as bad or haunt me whenever I see the colour blue.
At least that's what I thought, before an arm brushed mine and when I looked up only to meet your gaze it felt different, like maybe this time we'd be more than a phase.
When I saw you today it wasn't like all the times before, any other day you would've kept walking with my eyes still stuck to you like glue.
But no, now we're staring at one another and it's somewhat unreal because today I didn't just see you, you saw me too.
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