I remember
I remember when my feet were smaller,
When my hair was longer,
When my dreams were bigger,
My smile brighter.
I remember when days did not start at Midnight,
When life didn’t feel like a big trap
Trapping me in a small cage,
Caging my innocence away.
I remember long summer days
When i thought love would save me,
When my thoughts were thoughts
And not gunshots,
When my hopelessness killed itself.
But it was replaced by sorrow and mourning and regret,
It was replaced by self loathing and double guessing and feeling insane;
‘Feeling like this would have gotten me lobotomised in the 50s’ I joke,
But then again an empty brain does not sound like a bad idea.
I remember picking chestnuts with my grandpa -it’s all dust now-
And feeling like myself for the first time,
And I remember having that taken away;
And I remember the laughter and the conversations,
And the tenderness,
And the screams and the bruises -I fell during P.E, mom-.
And I remember seeing the end, forever 15.
I don’t -I didn’t- remember many things
Back then,
Memories hit like a train wreck one day;
Flooding and drowning
And lighting that
First cigarette, first kiss,
Always cried afterwards, always apologetic;
The machines were so scary, they checked my brain.
‘Feeling like this would have gotten me lobotomised in the 50s’
They don’t want you to remember.
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