I Loathe

Loathe to close my eyes Petrified to have them open Pain is never forgotten Nightmares of visions I wish to forget I sit day after day Reliving it over and over I reach for alcohol..to much alcohol... Thinking I want to survive.... Wishing I was stronger Able to overcome it I'm a fool, I'm weak Life full of despair How could he do what he did Sexual contact with her Offering my body to him I can't forget...I can't cope This is not the first time I've been a victim... Victim suffering pain Emotionally...physically...mentally I have just drank down number seven... I'm aware of all those pills in my purse They call to me With promises of no pain anymore I hear it is painless I pick them up... Pour them into my hand Toying with them...thinking I wish to live the life The life after this one One free of pain One full of love I sit with my bottle Pills in my hands