Ursaluna Kells Poet Free verse

I got so close this time

Some days I’m living in panic
Panic like I cannot move 
Panic like there are hot metal chains
 wrapped tightly around my ribs 
Trying to talk feels like breathing in smoke 
On the verge of tears 
And all I want is to curl up and cry 
Until my eyes turn red
But I can’t because 
I’m in school 
And everyone will see how much 
Of a fool I am 
So I have to look like I’m ok 
But I’m not
Because later that night 
That night of the panic attack,
I got so close 
I even made a plan 
I planned to cut in groups of three
Cuz three is my comfort number 
That day I chose 27 cuts 
Because nine times three
Nine times I lacked the comfort I craved
I remember it distinctly 
Nine times three 
Cuz nine times I felt hurt that day
One I was in trouble, two I got yelled at,
Three I woke up late, four,I was called rude for talking
Five I’m so immature, six, I had extra chores,
Seven I couldn’t eat lunch, eight Alex hates me
And nine I hate myself and I don’t matter anymore
When I went to bed that night I was so scared
 because I got so close to SH
I got so close this time

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Beata Agustin April 3, 2026 at 1:15 AM Thanks for sharing this... exposing your thoughts through your unique poetic style. Welcome to Poetry Soup. I welcome you with the love of the Lord, expressed by John 3:16 of the Bible, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Be blessed.

Neve Vesalius March 31, 2026 at 3:11 PM Keep going. Your poetry is amazing and I'm sure you are too. I don't know you or how you feel but I know how I've felt at times like this and it's not easy. Remember to find something you enjoy doing and stick with it. Mine was violin. Yours might be poetry or something else. My violin is the reason I am where I am. It took me to New York. It gave me confidence in myself. Music is how I keep going. Find what it is for you. You are formidable. You are strong. Life isn't easy. Don't let the world take you down.