I don’t want to


I don’t want to watch him hurt
Yet I can’t stand to leave his side
I don’t want to see him this sick
His pain speaks of the way I can’t

I can’t help even though I try
I can’t give him another reason, a light
I can’t still the trembling inside
I can’t imagine what it feels like – for him

I don’t want to see him feeling so sick
Yet I can’t seem to let him alone, I can’t 
I don’t want to know how he’s struggling
He has a strength that swallows up my fear

My fear – well, my fear tells me
Stop listening to the One who reminds me
He is with me – He is with him
He is giving us both strength we never had

My strength comes from knowing
I don’t want to see him in this much pain
But I have to stay – I have to pray
Because without him, my heart would break

Break in two – because, despite what I knew
There are parts of me that can’t understand
The reasons, the sorrow, the One who promises
Whatever comes, there is peace that promises

With Him, there is hope that lasts 
Always… Hope
I hope that I can be the best friend he’s ever had
I hope that I can make him feel better than he has
I hope that I can bring him a love that makes him glad
I hope that I can silence the tears that are so sad
I hope that I can encourage him to believe – as I have…

That we have HOPE
Despite the disease that makes me mad
This cancer is a shadow who hangs across our dreams
Stalking our hearts, following our memories
So we can never know… just know
That love – love we’ve always shared
Love so beautiful… a love that has been eclipsed
By cancer’s dark descent on our lives
This cancer, though… despite this disease

We have HOPE
Hope that forever flows
Through the veins of those who know
Jesus has the final say
Jesus is alive and I will pray
Yes, I will pray – He’ll find a way
To silence this disease – Oh, God
I pray that You will make a way

I hope… and I pray

I don’t want to – loose my best friend
The husband who I know is heaven sent
My husband, who I believe will soon mend!

angstanxietycanceremotionsfearfree verse

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Rob Carmack

April 23, 2026 at 7:39 PM

Have not read you for a while. First saw the mention of cancer in one of your most recent poems, so I started to read backwards to this poem. Will be praying for you and your husband.