I did it

Yesterday I left him.
These have been the hardest 3 days of my life.
My ex fiancee knows the name of the town I'm in,
but not the address.
And I'm not staying here long.
I'll be leaving Monday I hope and going to a shelter.

My best friend's grandparents took me, my dog, and my cat in.
I think they might have saved our lives. 
I didn't think I'd ever get out.
My dad showed up to make sure my ex couldn't trap me there, 
He moved whatever of my stuff we could grab.
I lost a lot of things.
They're just things. 
4 tote bins, a flute and 4 guitars are all I have now,
Besides the dog and the cat.
But it doesn't matter does it? 
I finally got out. I f*ckng did it. 
I just need to stay out now.
This now feels like the hard part.

He thinks I'm going to go back to him.
I'm letting him think that for now, I guess.
It breaks my heart to mislead him,
but I need him calm until I'm in a shelter farther away where he'll never find me.
I made sure he can't track my phone or my laptop, 
I changed every password I could think of to something he couldn't figure out.
I've taken the steps. They aren't f*ckng baby steps, 
They aren't steps at all.
It was all a giant leap of faith. 
These strangers caught me though. 

My heart still hurts. 
I still love him.
My friends grandma said to me today;
"You're gonna need to learn to love yourself, cuz you're worth it, and if you don't love yourself then - well - you'll get your face smashed in by someone who loves you as much as you love you"
Good point.
I'm not sure I love the phrasing, 
But I do get it. 
I do need to put me first now. 
I cannot do this if I am worried about making him angry,
or breaking his heart. 
He broke me. 
I deserve to make my own decisions. 
I can decide to leave. 
This is my f*ckng life. 
I am not giving it to him,
As much as it's hurting me to take it back.

abuseangerbest friendconfusionfree verse

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