How To Be a Man
Take out the trash on Tuesday and remember the white bags are recyclable;
Don’t mix the trash with the pig food, we’re saving the world;
Put the yard waste on the curb on Friday after you finish pruning;
Don’t oversleep on harvest days;
Be careful, remember we deal with squash, not squish;
Vacuum and cover the pool today;
Take your shoes off before you enter the house;
Always hold the door for the ladies;
Half-naked girls aren’t friendly girls;
Don’t do drugs for they hinder your mind;
Be sure to keep holy on the Lord’s day;
Don’t cuss for this is the infamous cuss jar;
This is how to tie a figure-eight, this is how to shoot a doe;
This is how to treat your lady, and this is how to treat your foe;
This is how you wear your tie;
This is how you plant the seeds;
This is how you chop a fallen pine;
this is how you hoe some weeds;
this is how you talk to Pops and Ma;
This is how to drive your tractor;
This is how to cook a steak;
But don’t fix dinner for God’s sake—you’re not a girl, you know;
Don’t go shopping, go farming;
Don’t do girly things for you are a young man and must become and old man;
This is how you burn the leaves;
This is how you study;
This is how you use a saw;
This how you change the break pads and this is how you build a house;
This is how you work out—you might want to play some sports;
This is how you take care of your wife and your kids;
This is how you change a diaper like a man;
Sometimes it’s okay to lie, or leave without saying goodbye;
Sometimes its okay to skip work to fix dinner for your lady;
This is how you set the table;
This is how to track muddy footprints through the freshly cleaned house when work just wasn’t good today;
This is how you kiss a ladies hand;
But what if the lady won’t let me kiss her hand?;
You mean to say that after all you are really going to be the kind of guy who a lady won’t let kiss her hand?
Copyright © Chad Obrien | Year Posted 2015
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