Hollow Me

I don't show the pain inside. Not really hiding just always a torrent just beneath the surface. I smile, I joke, I live life the only way I know how. Everything I wish I had then, I still long for now. I give love, caring, patience, and time. I give my whole being to the ones I love. No one seems inclined to do the same for me. I want held. I want comfort. I want safety. I want peace. But alas I think it shall always remain out of reach for this accidental life. Born without purpose or plan by those that I should call mom and dad. I was a mistake, an unfortunate circumstance. Once the one they had planned, had purpose, had wanted was born I truly learned my place in life. To be forgotten, ignored. To be excluded, a pariah. So even now these many long years I feel the same. Lesser, unworthy, a hinderance to be avoided, never to be held, nor comforted, or made to feel safe. I was mistakenly born unto this world, because of which I do not belong. Never to find that which I seek, so on until the next life I do endure to hopefully find my purpose, to find my peace.