Hole To the Center of My World

I’ve dug a hole all the way to my inner-self
Beyond the sedimentary sentiment
Past the fossils of my past life
And I’ve finally broke through the hard layer of emotions

I’m sure the treasure I’m seeking is hiding in my sub-terranian subconscious
I just need to know where to look

But as my spirit rises and my journey’s boon glistens before me
An ungodly hand grabs the Golden idol and drags it
To the even deeper level of my mind cavern
The place where all the local tribes say the great beasts live
And the rope back to the surface falls
Slithers down next to my feet
And remains motionless like a child afraid of a beating
As if it knows what this means to me

I fall to the ground crushed
There’s enough food here to last me a while, I don’t know how much
I could stay right here and risk starvation
Possibly a team will rescue me

Do I continue?
The legend says that untold powers will be bestowed on the one who completes the quest
And finds the golden form of his body.
But the demons are also prophesized
Where death isn’t just painful but everlasting
Incarnate fear devours you for eons before the death you’ve fantasized finally arrives

Stuck in the dark
My eyes adjusting to the painful lack of light

I wish you were here with me
So we could intertwine to a higher level of harmony
And complete the quest together
One divine man and  goddess 
Opening our eyes to reality
Becoming the transcendental deities foretold by The Elders

Irony is what hurts the most
It’s a barbed blade
thrusted and twisted
Not into my body but into my presence


I haven’t completed my goal
I have achieved the opposite
I have earned living in fear of infinite pain and suffering
All while being in the vicinity of omnipotent potential

I cup my head in my hands
Scream at the nonexistent faces I see
Mocking me and pressuring me to see my faults and fall on my own climbing tool

I will continue in spite of them

I start to perceive the soothing decisiveness of it all 
Either I succeed or I drop short
But this adventure must have an end.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2010



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Date: 5/12/2010 9:20:00 AM
Just a marvelous story! Hard to comment on how to make it from an A- to an A+ but I'd say...just me..it would be even stronger with less "I's" example..verse 4 start with Falling..instead of "I fall"verse 7 use Wishing..instead of "I wish"...try it and see if you think it brings the reader into the character..then they can picture it happening to them too! Light & Love
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