Holding On

I have a wife, a son and two granddaughters, I have nightmares. A 'having' cannot be held onto, a Keep, a Fast, a Hold, all are synonyms for a fortress.... my aspirations crumble like ancient walls. When I pluck a pretty wildflower from a verdant meadow - a momentary kiss of joy, an enlightening ray of sun.... then cometh the regret, the withering, a racing time outpaces any moment. I have bad nights, the dark always wins over any internal light, I am transfixed, wide eyed looking at phantoms that burgle my mind, or do I rob theirs? Who built this machine that both devils and angels struggle to maintain? Grace is doled out into my open palms, and I must watch the blessing evaporate before it reaches my lips. I have bad dreams.