Holding Back Tears

HOLDING BACK TEARS Being a single mother is rarely appreciated, when it is a very demanding, challenging, complex responsibility to take on and carry on for years. Who wants to be a single mother? I chose to. Couples marry to be together and start a family and do not think, want divorce or separation. Yet, couples grow apart, change, unable to adapt to situations, problems arising in having a family. So, some ends up being a single mother like me instead of staying married to a problematic spouse or in a troublesome, exasperating, taxing relationship, not a good example for the children. Single parenting is very difficult for it is physically, emotionally, mentally draining, exhausting. Tough! You just bite the bullet and keep on going, doing the best you can as the breadwinner and the homemaker. You are on your own to face whatever comes your way in maintaining the house, putting food on the table, the children’s education, teen-agers rebellions or defiance on top of your own emotional roller coaster. Yet, you show a poker face and you hold back tears for you want the children to know you are strong, resilient, cannot be broken, being there for them and will always be there to support and console. The reality is you are breaking down, falling apart inside, feeling all alone and holding back tears, when all you wanted is somebody, someone to hold you tight and whisper “Everything will be all right”. I look back on those years of being a single mother, years of holding back tears that turned my heart into a stone for when my daughter calls on Father’s Day telling me “Happy Father’s Day”, I cannot cry. I cannot even shed a tear of happiness knowing she regards me as a mother and a father. Charming! How I wish I could. What happened to my diminutive heart? Why is it still holding back tears? Don’t know! 8/18/21 This Or That, Vol 5 Poetry Edward Ibeh Chose: Holding Back Tears