Hoarding Hope - I Am Not Alone

This horrid. inner remorse
Is getting way out of course
I want to keep courage and cheer in my heart…
I am His sun-shining, mild child, even from the start
I hope my daily prayers to the Lord are sincerely heard tonight
Let not my delightfulness depart, for my good moods is a wondrous work of art – 
You wouldn’t ignore me or forget about me to the point of being broken apart
I cope with these bothersome sentiments literally all day and night

Replace my jealousy 
With zealous mentality
Reality's demise is approaching soon
Stay with me eternally, afternoon balloon

Don’t you drift away 
With your suave sway
Straying away won’t heal you completely 
Of the scars you bare pretty tremendously

Can’t everyone tell?
I am under sin's spell

Trying to keep the Kingdom in remembrance before I grow blind or lose my mind
Brain orgasms and headaches rape my mind and left me thoughtlessly behind

Get me feeling well
For, I am sick as hell

I feel like a total failure sometimes
See you later, grief-stricken times

Waiting patiently for Healing to come – I long to be like a much-loved song or feel like a champion that beats most components in the awesome game of Ping-pong all along, all along; life feels like an endless, irksome song

Abruptly, I am feeling mild and swell,
Even if I hide in my shiny, sturdy shell
Bravery and self-control will be my illuminating, harmonious, and sanctuary-indulged interlude
The raven of hope gave me wings of radiant redemption that is of heavenly haven with halcyon quietude

I have been feeling bad and guilty instantly and pretty darn drastically 
As of lately, but apparently, no one cares frankly...obviously...typically...
Yet I’m feeling content and good all the more – got to move on again
I have often felt misunderstood, so I did a lot more stressless believin'

My heart beats in precious ambition, beautiful anticipation and elegant eagerness for the Kingdom that all people will adore
Just to belong in a tranquil lifetime and forevermore...there is more happiness and much, much more to look forward to in store– 
He will vanish my wrongs if I can be spiritually surreal and strong
Maybe, He will teach me the whole meaning of good and evil or right and wrong

Please hear me out, liberating Lord; I feel like no one can really tell
That I hoard hope for now on and dismissed drought-like doubt since yesterday
Can someone take me out of my strange, grief-triggering cell
Tomorrow is another day to try to lead astray dismay and be happy as I may

I am under sin's spell
Can’t everyone tell?

Right now, I am free from captivity 
I sought to have more loyalty and longevity
I am appreciative of being alive
Oh Lord of Accord, how did I survive?

My therapist gave me three things to remember:

'I am stronger than I realize, 
I am not alone
And I am not a failure'

I have horrid insomnia almost all of my life, 
So I lived life in the neat, nostalgic nightlife 
I will always think upon wisdom and insight…intelligence is full of integrity and merry-made matrimony that I must have with the Word of Life
I feel so much solace in the wildlife that is exceedingly rife 
I will hoard hope and dispose of my shameful past strife
I was roaming in the never-ending deserts and many-a-wilderness of my struggles and downfalls, so I am looking forward to the aftershocks of an amazing, awe-inspiring afterlife 
That stabs my back every now and then with a jagged, rusty knife – 
One day, I will be married to my future precious, pretty wife
Copyright © | Year Posted 2018

Poem

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Krutsinger Avatar
September 25, 2018 at 7:06 AM
Hoarding hope! What a terrific concept, with so many heart-felt ups and downs. An pure honesty makes this one great, J.W. Well-done!
Breidenthal Avatar
September 25, 2018 at 11:55 PM
Thank you so much for your support and comments! I am blessed to publish my poems online and share to the world. I aim to intrigue and to inspire the writer and reader inside us. Have a wonderful week!
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