Her

I was told I was many things
and yet no one asked what I felt like in my own body
they said those stretched marks on my belly,
made me manly
They said my ears were pointy, almost inhuman
and for the first time, I wasn't offended
infact I agreed
 maybe that's why I ran to women instead
they understood better, I said
never knew it was called love
well not in that kind of way,
till I saw her undress, and I felt a sense of admiration, sensation, as if I didn't have the same body
and for a while, I questioned myself
for having these thoughts towards her
and yet my mind seemed to be drawn to her, I wondered if it was love
but how could I look her in the face
and say I'm in love with her

And maybe I didn't need permission
to love her the way I did
It just had to show through the way I listened,I spoke
In the way my attention shifted to her eyes
like I was enthralled by a painting
but she was my landscape, no bad thoughts, just pure love, I said

Then I realized it wasn't just her, I looked that way,
that I enjoyed the touch of a woman
like would a man
And for a while I looked at myself in the mirror
wondering if this is who I really was
if it was possible for a woman to remember another's figure and explain it so vividly
not just that, but the kind who failed to remember her own brother's features
I wondered if it was wrong to wear hoodies and biggies and never a dress
even when going to church
I wondered if I had failed my own mother
for all she spoke about was marriage
though not specific, I doubt she would think of a woman
And yet that didn't stop me 
from buying a woman flowers
they didn't mean much to me
guess it was just my body that's a woman and not my mind and soul
I liked romanticizing the thought of it.

beautybest friendcareconfusionfree verse

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