Heavy

I am heavy today

Heavy like feet in hot tarmac

Heavy like dead end job

Like slashed tires in the dark

And I try to keep your pace

Try to match my steps to yours

You do not understand why I am out of breath.

 

You think that I wear the girls

You have loved

Like feathers in my skin

I have a head start

I am beautiful because they were ugly

I am sane because they were crazy

I am fast because they were slow

I am loved because they were not.

 

I carry them like cannon balls

Like cannon ball dot dot dots

Did you ever find what was at the end of your ellipsis?

Or am I minimized to another dot?

 

When you return mirrors and hair brushes I have left

In your home

I know you are moving on

And when I leave you photographs and

Love letters

I know they are slowly filling up the cardboard box

Under your bed

Where you keep the other women

 

I am heavy today

Because I am ready to stop.

You are not

Because you still have so far to go.

jealousyfree verse

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