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He Says Indeed

Animal eyes, Crystal white! giving a shiver and shake Indeed' He said "Indeed" Should I be haunted or feel wanted? Can he see my mouth twitch With worry comes wonder Again, I fall and he sticks his stud from his shoe into my thigh Why is he hurting me again? Am I supposed to feel happy for this? Cry with happy drops? Dripping from my chin to the floor My face reflected in it with horror! He lifts a brow and I just know He says 'Indeed' I said he says "Indeed"

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Mark Mcallister

Date: 10/15/2012 10:36:00 AM

Brisk and economical language. "Animal eyes" is a great and grabbing start. Love the cadence in "haunted or feel wanted?" and that you did not feel forced to try to repeat the technique and make it feel rymey (or whatever). I just noticed the effectiveness using "shiver and shake" instead of and a shake. This is a lesson for me thanks.

Good Night

Date: 8/22/2012 10:20:00 AM

good peom sometimes others can hurt our heart really bad