You'll Neverknow Poet Free verse

haunted

i tried to see you again
for the first time in almost five years
it was my fault for leaving
but when i said goodbye
i didn't know it'd be forever
i wonder what i would've done differently 
if i had known
and now it's going on three years
since you passed
and i miss you more than you know
i just wanted to see you 
so i tried to join you
but as i sat in the bathroom
with my head over the toilet
color draining from my face
vision going in and out
my brain imagines you're there 
waiting for me
arms held open
but i know now i won't make it to you
yet another time i failed you
my brain puts you next to me 
almost as if taunting me
just sitting there
watching me at my lowest
and we both know
this is my punishment 
this is what i deserve

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