B. Andrew Kelly Poet Rhyme

Notes About The Poem

Written 3/1/26

a while ago I created a character named Uncle scum, which is meant to be a humorous caricature of a drunken oath that has too much of an ego problem and finds themselves in ridiculous circumstances often being pretty funny. at least in my eyes. I like to think of Uncle scum as the externalization of Schadenfreude, an idiot that causes their own misfortune and for whatever reason, its funny. I mean to paint this character as a miserable and out of touch moron (thus some of the language choices). 

Not usually what I write, but i barely write anymore anyways so whatever I guess

Golfin’ with Uncle Scum

He bumbled round the front nine
Scrambling by the high bramble
Scum fumbled the perfect lie
After nipping his car trunk’s handle

With thwaps and pings and whammy’s
His blood turned transfusion hue
He blames his hooks on “bangin trannys”
The joke fell flat to the cart gal, regardless of cue

Crickets echo in daytime thicket
Uncle Scum sweat through his woolen plaid
He sniffed and swung, missing the ticket
Another failure at the emerald launchpd

His friends left after he swang too haphazard
But no, good Uncle Scum always has the last reply
“If Daly can do it then so can I!
Now excuse me while I swim in the water hazard!”

He swam and he floated all drunkenly bloated
But didnt note the flock of geese 
all ruffled and slighted
Now Uncle Scum was banned, as he says “scapegoated”

All because the groundskeeper kept the geese around
“The ones on hole eight that are more
fight than flight”

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