Barbara Peckham | + Follow Poet |
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Give Yourself a Break

Give Yourself a Break

Come on, it’s time. Give it a rest
and stop beating yourself up
about things that are over and done with
when you know you did the best you could.
He’s gone now and you miss him,
and you think you were this, that or the other,
not patient enough, you were selfish,
you didn’t go on his walks with him
and you let him go by himself sometimes
when he had to struggle so to do it.
 You went out to a poetry group at night 
and left him when you should have
stayed at home with him for company.
You spent too much time with household
chores and sometimes by yourself writing.
He was the one with the health problems,
trouble walking, falling sometimes
when you weren’t there, and he never complained.
Now you look back and blame yourself
when you know, yes, you know,
if you just allow yourself, that you
did the best you could.
It was years that you took care of him, 
encouraged him, helped him dressa
and walk, put up the metal ramp 
when he went outside and wheeled
him to the car, put the chair in the car, 
took him to appointments, got him 
into the wheelchair and reversed the way home.
You washed him and changed the bed and
cooked what he liked and watched television
with him and really did give up things
you loved to do and tried to get him to 
go out to events you thought he’d like.
Yes, you could be short, maybe impatient
sometimes, and said some things 
you wish you hadn’t said.
Give yourself a break. You’re human
and not perfect. Remember how many times
he thanked you for all you did for him. 
Remember the good times - 
how many times you were gentle with him, 
tried to encourage him, hugged him
and told him how much you loved him; 
the nights you came down in the night
because he needed help, and you
always told him you didn’t mind,
that you’d go right back to sleep;  
hours and days sitting in the hospital
waiting for him to get better enough
to come back home again.
So stop purposely wallowing
in a misery of your own making
and take back your good sense.
Remember the love.

Copyright © Barbara Peckham | Year Posted 2023

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