Garnish Queen

On earth I know of no such taste, No nectar of the Gods so chaste, So pure, so gentle, full of grace; As my true love, tomato paste. Good “ketchup”, as you’re widely known Wouldst that I could all thee own; Round thee, ketchup, I’m thy drone; Ascend thee to thy regal throne. In bottle, you with bright, red sheen, You beckon like a harlot queen, And oh, my heart is swiftly keened, Like babes to mothers wean. The bottle tipped, thy rich, red ooze Slips forth like soft and tumbling glues, And marvel I. Yet I must choose T’annoint the heads of sleeping foods: ‘Pon fish or chips or stoutly steak Thy blessing might I deign to make, And slowly o’er them thou dost snake In anacondic swirls and takes. I praise thee, ketchup, and I haste To glory at thy noble taste: ‘Pon my tongue you swiftly chase My tingling taste buds, and you race – O’er my teeth you blood-like flow ‘til all my senses rush to know Thy rich and red and warmly glow - - and so! O ketchup, thou art garnish queen And thou art gracious food supreme, Companion thou hast often been To many foods of lesser mien. And this I know, dear ketchup, yet Have I in faith, one great regret: Though I and you in love are set, . . . my wife and you are in dissent. Must our affair be clandestine? Must I be forced to steal and hide My fuller portion on the side Of mashed potatoes, shrimp, or pie? No, ketchup no: I know that I With such deceit cannot comply; Choose I must ‘tween thou and my Belov’d . . . oh how I cry. Yet wed so long, I must confess When “pass the ketchup” is address’d No more my hand will serve excess, . . . but my dear heart will cry no less.