Fragments Of Me

I catch myself staring— At nothing, really— Just blank walls And the rigid ceiling. Wondering what I am doing here. When did it come to this? How did I lose myself? Listening to the wind whistle. It’s as angry and confused as I am, Not knowing which way to go. I hear sadness in the trees, The screams of agony inside me. My chest tightens. I hold back tears because I am stronger than this depression. But am I? How did I lose myself within these four walls? I can’t find me. Every fiber of my being Only wants to run and scream. One small window—my glimpse of escape from sadness. One door—my way to freedom. This house is like a small prison. To stay for much longer… I need a better reason. Every inch of my body burns like wildfire. I eat because... What else do you do when your body craves attention, When your mind is going to waste, When your love is forever fading, And you end up hating yourself? When did I lose myself? I look in the mirror, And I don’t see me. What happens when ‘me’ hates myself? Where do I go from there? I need help. Who is this person staring back? Unheard of, unwanted, unneeded, unsafe. Who cares what she thinks, What she wants, What she loves, What she needs? She doesn’t love herself. How can she love anyone else? She’s sitting in a room In this tiny house, On a street, In a town where she’s not wanted. And she knows that. I feel weak. I feel strong. I feel beaten down And determined. Weak in my mind, But strong in my spirit. Beaten down by life, But determined to win. And I will prosper. 12/22/22